patriotism is the new black

Mom’s doing great, FYI.  Much better than I had anticipated.  When I went to the hospital to see her yesterday, I walked into the room and she was lying on the bed with her eyes closed, and I had this nerve-wracking moment where I looked around and saw the drab impersonal hospital room, IV towers, crazy machines, and my mom in a gown propped up in this huge hospital bed, and got a little panicked.  I whispered very quietly, “Mom?”  And she jumped up and exclaimed, “HI!!!” all peppy and excited to see me.  It was like that moment where Willy Wonka walks out of the chocolate factory all serious and moody and everyone looks so confused, and then he does the somersault and the crowd goes wild.  I stayed for a half hour or so, and she was totally great, like nothing had changed.

In other news, I have decided on a new law that the government should impose.  I don’t think that any corporation should be allowed to use the American flag in an advertisement.  I think it’s really disgusting that companies try to make it seem like using their product is the patriotic thing to do.  Case in point:  Pepsi.

This commercial has the double whammy of exploiting Bob Dylan AND Old Glory.  Of course that’s just Bob selling out.  Although I guess secretly I do think this commercial is kind of neat.

And…..Et tu, Conan?

On the SuperBowl upside, Bruce kicks it.

where were you when….

I brought a tiny TV into work so we could watch the inauguration, since they didn’t really want us taking down the whole company network by streaming it. So a bunch of people gathered in my area to watch. Just as Joe Biden was being sworn in, I got an email from a sort of high-up woman over in the department across the hall, saying something to the effect of, “I love that you’re watching your tv, but people are complaining, so can you turn it down?”

I think that instantaneously ruined the whole thing for me. For at least a good five minutes I couldn’t focus on anything but my rage and disbelief that after having the TV on for five minutes someone was already complaining. The funny thing is, there were like seven or eight people over here watching it, one of whom was my boss, the tv was not loud at all, and it’s the only time my area has probably ever made any noise. Meanwhile we sit through her team shrieking and giggling over every stupid little thing, and listening to someone’s shitty iPod on repeat, and we’ve never said anything at all.

I was sooooo incredibly tempted to respond something like, “Oh sorry, I thought maybe people would want to be able to see the the country’s first African American president, a man who millions of people love and revere and voted for, sworn into office on this incredibly significant day in American history. Guess I was wrong! Sorry if I made it slightly difficult for you to concentrate on writing purchase orders for overpriced clothing. My bad! I’ll turn it off immediately.” Alas, I’d probably get in trouble for that one, so I opted to ignore the email instead.

The worst thing is that it caught me right in the middle of an incredibly momentous and positive occasion, and threw me into a tizzy. Of course, that’s probably my fault that I couldn’t just shrug it off, but it was just such a downer.

This is what I hate about my job. I hate that everyone thinks we all work for a charitable nonprofit organization or something. They all act like they’d take a bullet for this company, and everything else comes second. I’m sorry if I just can’t muster that sort of loyalty. I’d rather work to live, not live to work.

Ugh.

In any event, I can’t believe we can finally drop the “elect” and start saying “President Obama.” I feel like the election was so long ago that it’s been hard for me to remember that he hadn’t yet become the president.

Watching the lead-up to the ceremony, where all the notables were arriving and the presidential limo was making the slow trip to the capitol building, I couldn’t help but rekindle what I felt right before I got married. Those few minutes before, when the anticipation is almost unbearably high and your heart is pounding and your stomach is flipping. Your whole life is laid out in front of you, and you’re saying goodbye to the old you. I remember turning to my parents, who were standing there waiting with me to walk me down the “aisle” (or the sand dune, as it were), and I said, “I love you guys, thank you so much for everything you’ve done for me.” And I started to cry. It was the first and only time I cried all day. And then the moment comes and you have to walk out and know that all eyes are on you.

So anyway, if that’s how I felt in front of a hundred people, I can’t even imagine how it must feel to go out in front of probably a billion people and take over as leader of the free world. Clearly it must be a little nerve wracking, because even calm cool and collected Obama flubbed his lines a bit when taking the oath.

For a while, I was mainly excited about the idea of just having a good person in the White House who will hopefully steer the American people away from greed and towards positivity, but on a day like today I can’t help thinking about how completely amazing it is that 40-something years ago black people couldn’t drink from the same water fountain as white people. I mean, my parents were in their 20’s for pete’s sake, this is not ancient history by any means. And today a black man is president of the United States. Absolutely incredible.

the most depressing meal of the day

Am I alone in my hatred of this Cheerios commercial?

Every time it comes on, we have to either change the channel or mute it.  Here are the many things I don’t understand about it:

1.  Why is it shot on film stock that looks like a British mystery show on PBS?  Come to think of it, why do British TV shows always use that grainy film stock in general?

2.  Why are the voices overdubbed and not synched up?

3.  Why are we let into an apparently uncomfortable and volatile marriage, in which the husband has been completely beaten down and emasculated by his wife to the point of not being able to ask a simple question about Cheerios without receiving her wrath, all in a cereal commercial?

Dear Cheerios,

I would like my breakfast cereal to contain no references to psychologically toxic marital situations that only serve to remind consumers of the high divorce rate and continually large communication gap between the sexes.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,
A concerned breakfast eater