and if you find a new way, you can do it today

Today was one of those days that puts things into perspective a bit. We went to Aunt Annie’s father’s memorial service today, which while a little long and dragged out, was inspirational nonetheless. Her father Bill sounded like quite an amazing man. He was an all around Renaissance man – a philosopher, a scientist, an entrepreneur and a spiritualist. Everyone seemed very taken with him.

The last person who gave a eulogy – a friend and colleague – said something that really hit me: he said, “Bill was a complete person.” Meaning his life’s path was completed, with no strings left untied, despite having passed somewhat suddenly. And I thought, that’s what I want. I want to be a complete person. Right now I feel like I’m about 25% complete.

I lead a small life. I have very few friends and spend 90% of my non-work time with only Greg, I feel no fulfillment from my job, I don’t have a career path, I am completely wrapped up in my own stress and idiosyncrasies, and if I died tomorrow there wouldn’t be much to say about me. I want to be bigger than that. I want to have a big circle of loving friends, and to make a difference in the world, even if it’s just a small one. I want to inspire people and to be inspired by people. I want to love life and love my job and love everyone around me.

I’m only thirty one. That’s not very old. And you’re never too old to change yourself. There’s no reward in this life without risk – risk of business ventures, risk of reaching out to people, , risk of going new places, risk of putting yourself out there in every way, always, regardless of what you get back. But really, if I put love out into the world, what would I get back but love in return?

So I’m going to do it. I’m going to be a complete person. Starting now.

P.S. I really wish transcendental meditation courses weren’t so expensive.

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