burning bridges

I would like to pose a question to you, dear Internets. Why is it never actually acceptable to storm out on your job? Why is it that in the movies, people are allowed to have that amazing and triumphant moment where they summon all their power and shout those most cathartic of words: “I…QUIT!” Why aren’t we allowed to steal a golf cart and play the boss’s head like a bongo? And when someone finally hits their breaking point and decides to have a tantrum over the PA system, grab a beer, activate the emergency chute and run off into the sunset, they get arrested.

I’ve had a rough couple of weeks at work. Actually, I’ve had a rough five months or so. My job is total chaos all the time, and despite being currently understaffed, I still feel like it’s not going to improve much even when my new hire gets up to speed. They don’t really care whether anyone there has a life or not, whether every day is spent at break neck speeds, running around like a chicken with its head cut off just to get the bare minimum done, choking down lunch at your desk, checking emails from home, staying until 7, 8, 9 o’clock. It’s expected, and no one gives a shit. The work needs to get done and that’s that. Every email I get (and I get hundreds a day) starts with, “I know you’re crazy busy, but…” and ends with, “this really can’t wait any longer, it needs to be done now.”

I am totally miss nice guy at work. I am so nice, the sun shines out my ass. I break my ass to get stuff done, even when it’s not even necessarily my job. I cover for everyone else’s mistakes, I spend hours sorting out issues that are the result of other people’s incompetencies. And yet, in the middle of all the current chaos, the two times I have told people that something can’t be done in the time they want it to be done, they get absolutely furious and demand that it get done.

I come home crying several times a week, I cried in the bathroom twice today and outside once, I have headaches all day, I can’t relax at night, all I think about is having to go back to that goddamn place the next morning. Yet whenever I mention to someone that I might have to just get up and leave one of these days, they immediately say, “Whoa, well, you can’t just do that.” Now granted, I know I can’t just do that. I wouldn’t just do that, I’m not that type of person. I know that if I left tomorrow, everyone I work with would be totally screwed because no one knows how to really do my job, and it’s an integral job. I’ve been there for almost nine years, and I’m not a shitty person. But still, why is it so unnacceptable to just hit that point where you’re mad as hell and you’re not going to take it anymore? Through everything, you’re just expected to keep smiling and being polite, and not complaining too much, and playing nice with everyone. And whenever I mention “just quitting” to anyone, despite the fact that Greg and I have talked about it a hundred times and decided that financially we’d be ok for a while, the solution is immediately, “Well why don’t you look for a new job?” or “Well you have to make sure you have all your ducks in a row first.” What happened to good old fashioned leaping before you look?

You should really read this editorial on the Huffington Post written by a woman who was on the flight with the Jet Blu flight attendant. It pretty much says exactly what I’ve been feeling – that through all the frustration you face in every day life, you’re never allowed to have a meltdown.

So I don’t know, it remains to be seen whether I’ll just storm out. Probably not. But I just hate for people to immediately take that option away from me.


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