I am in a rut.
A coworker showed me this video that her friend made, which is amazing:
Of course, my version of this video would mainly consist of 1 second snippets of watching tv, vacuuming, cooking half-assed dinners, surfing the web, and sitting at a table in the bar down the street. G thinks that means it’s time to have a baby. And I agree with him on a certain level, and yes we need to get going on that whole baby thing. But in general my life feels so small, and I don’t think having a baby is going to fix that. I spend 90% of my time with G, punctuated here and there by dinner with friends and the occasional drink with coworkers. And even then, it’s me who has to do the asking, because I think of myself as the “out of sight, out of mind” type – when you’re with me I’m reasonably fun, but not enough so to remember to ask me to hang out later.
And this is not to say that I don’t enjoy watching Mad Men and going for beers down the street and keeping the house clean and being with my husband, but when I step back from my life, the pieces don’t connect into something bigger. What can I do to break out of this cycle?
I thought maybe starting the blog back up might help a bit, to hash these things out. I know I could hash things out equally well in private, but something about putting these feelings out for some tiny fraction of the world to see makes me feel like I’m doing something.
So look forward to more thought-detangling to come.