Since giving my notice, every day shit gets realer and realer. It’s incredibly hard for me to really understand that I won’t be here anymore, that I won’t continue to be some kind of honorary member for life, like, come on guys, I can still show up at the holiday party, right? And you’re not really going to take my discount card away, right? And of course once you tell people, you have to start justifying your choice out loud, which leaves big wide cracks for doubt to seep in. People, especially people who stand to lose from your decision, push you on whether you think this is really the best decision, and ask for fifty reasons why you think it’s best, and then they go through and try to debunk all fifty reasons. Like an overprotective parent, except these people actually don’t have any personal stake in your happiness or unhappiness.
When I mentioned to my friend the other day that I worried whether I’m making the right decision, she just said, “There are no right decisions.” And I guess that’s really what this comes down to for me. I think this is a good move, but it’s not the defining decision of my life, it’s just a decision. I could stay here and be totally fine, or I could leave and be totally fine. You simply cannot drive yourself crazy picking over every little detail or possibility. Life is basically one long continuum of decisions, both big and small. This is a slightly-larger-than-normal decision, but it’s nothing on the scale of getting married or having a baby. Most other decisions aren’t something that a different decision can’t undo if necessary.
When it comes down to it, unless you’re really doing something that is your life’s passion, a job is basically just a job. It shouldn’t be the source of your joy or pain, that’s what real life is for.