Why does everything feel so much like opening a can of worms? I was at the book store last week and there was a huge table of art books that I couldn’t even open because I felt like I just couldn’t deal with having another thing in my life that I’m interested in but don’t have time to learn about. Also, I tend to pigeonhole myself into the things I think I like. It’s tough to explain, but I have a set list of things in my head that I identify as needing to seek out – whether it be visual, knowledge-based, etc, and there’s no room for anything additional. Probably easier to give you an example. I love Lena Corwin’s blog, because she has amazing taste. The things she posts, whether they’re products or just photos, are so beautiful, but I wouldn’t think to post them. Like she’ll post a picture of a plant in a window. Now if I were going to post a photo on a blog, my first instinct is that is has to be REALLY GREAT, the BEST picture of a plant in a window that I’ve EVER seen. Like good enough to merit posting on a blog. So I’d overlook a simple photo of a plant in a window as not being worthy of paying all that much attention to. But here she pulls it out and puts it front and center, so you really see it, and take note of it. She sees these simple everyday things as beautiful enough to say, “Hey, stop and look at this because it’s beautiful in its simplicity.” Or she’ll post a photo of a navajo rug. Now me, I’m not all that into the southwest native american look, but mainly because I’ve put that entire style into the “not my cup of tea” column of my likes and dislikes chart. But when she posts it, I love it. Maybe not to put in my house, but I can look at it and say, “That looks beautiful.” But it’s as if I do have this chart of likes and dislikes, and I only get one page for that list, so everything’s got to fit on there. “No room for navajo rugs because modern graphic rugs are already on the list and I like those better.” I have this irrational fear that if I love too many things my ability to love will decrease.
I think it all somehow ties back to my ultimate Jessie Spano-esque attitude of “There’s not enough time!!” panic. Not enough time in this life to get done what you want to get done, not enough time to find your true calling, not enough time to let yourself like too many things.
I need to just relax and realize that liking things and letting beauty in, even if it’s just ephemeral, can only be good.